10 Ways To Deal With Major Life Transitions In Early Adulthood
/The following article was written by Palmeira Practice counsellor Oli Hamilton.
It’s natural for major life transitions to bring up some level of anxiety.
Any significant change can be tough to adapt to, as you take on new challenges and say goodbye to aspects of your old lifestyle.
As your world begins to take a new shape, you may also start to question the direction your life is going in.
Changes in Early Adulthood
You are faced with more key life transitions in young adulthood than at any other point in your life. These include:
Finishing education
Leaving the parental home
Starting/changing careers
Cohabiting/moving home
Getting married
Having children
Changing friendship groups
Changes to social life
Illness
Bereavement
Early adulthood comes with various transitions, and at times it can feel like life is on the verge of major change, for better or for worse. Learning to navigate transition is a powerful skill.
Many of these transitions involve key decisions which will have a huge impact on how your life will shape up in the years to come, which can be a daunting prospect.
Other transitions are completely out of your control, which can be difficult to navigate in a different way. Painful experiences can leave you grieving the loss of another person, job, or home, but they can also leave you mourning a version of yourself which may be lost forever.
Coping strategies for change
While major life transitions can feel stressful and overwhelming, it’s worth bearing in mind that there isn’t anything inherently bad about change itself.
The impact change has on you is hugely influenced by how you prepare - and from your ongoing mindset. Here are a 10 ways of approaching life transitions which can ease the impact.
1. Focus on the challenge, rather than the threat
It’s easy to get stuck in feelings of helplessness, but bear in mind that changes are an opportunity to grow and develop new skills. Adapting to changes successfully can bring great pride and satisfaction.
2. Preparation for changes
Some life transitions come out of the blue - such as an illness or losing a job. But when you have the chance, preparation for change makes a huge difference. If you’re expecting a child, of course it’s vital to prepare your physical environment for the baby. But it’s also key to prepare yourself internally, and to negotiate on clear expectations for parenthood with your partner.
3. Resist social pressure to change
There can be a lot of pressure about how your life ‘should’ develop as you move through your twenties and thirties. ‘I should be in a relationship’, ‘I should own my own home’ or ‘I should have kids by the time I’m…’. This can lead to feelings of failure when expectations are not met. Banish the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary, focus on what you really want and be curious about why you want it.
4. Strike a balance between old and new
Early adulthood often comes with a tension between two parts of you. On the one hand, you want to preserve the freedom and carefree nature of youth, while on the other hand you may feel it’s time for new responsibilities, new challenges and a new meaning to life. It’s easy to flip-flop between two extremes. Try to strike a balance, and preserve the parts of your old self which are most important to you.
5. Focus on your strengths
Chances are, you’ve been through many major transitions before - whether it’s leaving school, getting a first job or ending a relationship. Tap into the memories of how you overcame the difficulties last time, and recognise that you survived the experience.
6. Ask for support with transitions
This is so often an underused resource. Friends and family are out there in your support network who would jump at the chance to help you through a difficult period. But so many people struggle through alone, not wanting to be a burden on their loved ones. Use the support of the people who care about you.
7. Recognise the positives of change
Change can feel daunting and familiarity can feel safe. On the other hand, remaining in the same life situation can lead us to stagnate, lead dull lives and feel directionless. When changes turn our lives upside down, we can feel great pride once we come out the other side.
8. Look at the big picture
It can be easy to get stuck in the details when our lives change. If we move home, we can focus on all the things we will lose and worry about the endless obstacles to overcome to feel settled in a new environment. Zoom out to see the big picture of your life. Appreciate the fond memories of the past, and look forward to new but different times ahead.
9. Recognise the link between anxiety and excitement
It’s natural for big changes to bring up feelings of anxiety, but change can bring exciting opportunities. Anxiety and excitement can feel strikingly similar to each other, and often be experienced simultaneously. Anxiety and excitement both make us bubble with energy. Try to channel that energy into excitement for the future, and use it to your advantage by doing something productive or something you enjoy.
10. Avoid comparisons
Today’s world of social media and consumerism encourages you to focus on what you don’t have, which can lead to intense dissatisfaction. It’s vital to establish what is important to you and is also realistic, rather than endlessly trying to meet the expectations of others or dwelling on comparisons. Be mindful of how you interact with social media, as this can fuel a tendency to focus on unhelpful comparisons.
Our brains are wired in a way where anxiety and excitement can often trigger the same physiological responses. Try to channel feelings of anxiety towards excitement instead.
Therapy for life transitions
Life transitions in early adulthood come partly as a natural part of ageing - society requires you to be financially independent, the balance between fun and responsibility gradually shifts, and the feeling that life will not go on forever comes into sharper focus.
Therapy can be a great place to explore the stage you’re at, what you might like to change and how you can adapt. Any internal battles can be picked apart, giving respect to both sides of the argument.
You can also be supported in therapy by someone who is objective and outside your life, who can help to identify patterns in your thoughts, feelings and behaviours which may be holding you back.
Therapy helps to develop a more supportive inner voice, which can guide you to adapt to the huge changes in your life.
If you would like support adapting to key life transitions, get an initial consultation with Oli Hamilton and discuss further.
